Vely Wanders

Landed in Boston tonight after I spent 15 days in Japan.

Something about being up there, over 33,000 feet up in the air.. unless you’re asleep or keeping yourself busy by watching movies, it was so easy to go down the rabbit hole that is in your mind. For me, I started thinking about why I really wanted to travel again. Yes I absolutely love to travel, but was that the only reason?

By now I’m used to being alone. Spending time doing things like watching a movie, eating at a restaurant, or even going to new places by myself — I’m used to doing it all solo. But the older I get, I can’t help but feel the stings of loneliness. More often that I’d like to, really.

I found myself seeking to connect with others more during my recent trip to Japan. I started conversations with strangers, which definitely something that’s out of my shy, introverted character. I’m so glad I did because now I have about 6 new acquaintances that I hope to keep in contact with, three of which I’d consider friends by now.

Yet, I still feel the stings every now and then. Actually, they come whenever I see couples or families. I don’t feel like I’m ready, or that I understand, or even have the proper strings of words to explain and get to the root of the stings right now. What I know is that I’m trying to ground myself in His promises and living day by day by faith in Him; the One who knows everything, from the beginning to the end, and the One who has good plans for me.

“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord”. – JEREMIAH 29:11-14

I realized that there are things that I still very much long for in my heart, even though sometimes I do try to convince myself that maybe I no longer want them. And as I sat in that airplane, high up above the clouds.. I can’t help but think that did I also choose to travel as a way to run away from feeling stuck in a stagnant place, surrounded by unfulfilled dreams?

As I leave all of these jumbled feelings at His feet again, I’ve also decided to open up a new blog as a space for me to untangle my own thoughts. I’ve always found blogging to be therapeutic. And who knows, someone, somewhere out there might stumble upon my blog and relate to these typed words. I can’t be the only thirty-something, single woman who feels this way.. right?

I was really planning to type a short, sub-par first post since I really only wanted to see how it’d look like with this template, but I ended up typing quite a bit. I don’t even know if it all makes sense, but I’ll put the blame on my jetlag, haha.

Anyway.. じゃね!